What to Do if You Suspect Domestic Abuse
Domestic abuse affects many people, and doesn’t always provide visible symptoms, but for the most part the warning signs are the same. If you do suspect domestic abuse is happening to someone you care about, this entry will outline some tips recommended by various domestic abuse prevention groups.
If you believe someone close to you is being abused, but you’re hesitating because you think you might be wrong, that it’s none of your business, or that the person won’t want to talk about it, remember that expressing concern will let the other person know you care, and could possibly even save his or her life.
Here are some of the things you should do if/when you decide to take action:
- Ask if something is wrong. You don’t want to pry it out of them, but sometimes people will open up to their loved ones with only minor pressure.
- Express your concern. If they understand that you’re concerned for their well-being, many people will accept advice. Even if there is no abuse taking place, perhaps it will cause the other person to be curious about some of the warning signs.
- Listen and validate. You want to make sure that whatever they say, you are there for them. It’s important that they have someone they can rely on.
- Offer them help. A lot of domestic abuse can be emotional, causing the person to feel as if they are completely alone. Offering your assistance in any regard, even if the help is not accepted, will let the other person know that they have others around them who will help them carry the weight.
- Support their decisions. When you first approach someone about domestic abuse, they can be resistant at first, and can sometimes make incorrect choices. You should understand that the road away from domestic abuse is long, and it may be a long time before the correct steps are taken. It’s crucial that you are seen as a partner from the beginning, so that when they do decide to distance themselves from the situation, they can rely on you for help.
Here are some things that you want to make sure you avoid:
- Waiting for them to come to you. Domestic abuse is a situation that no one should ever have to find themselves in, so waiting to bring the subject up can do nothing but potentially cost someone grief and pain. It’s true that some people will be offended when you bring the subject up, but if you do it subtly and make sure to express your concern, it usually goes over without any grave offense.
- Judging or blaming. Most people are very sensitive to being judged, and are offended by it, so you want to make sure you don’t come across as judgmental at all. Also, it’s not unheard of for victims of domestic abuse to be protective of their abusers, so you don’t want to blame too harshly or they may become defensive, and shut you out as a valid source of advice.
- Pressuring the person at all. You need to be very careful how you handle domestic abuse situations, as you don’t want to come across as forceful. They must see you as a passenger in the vehicle with them, instead of the person pushing and pulling them down the path.
- Giving advice. Even if you have all the correct advice to give, unless they know you’re a trained expert, most of the advice you give will be largely ignored. Most of the time, all they want is someone to express their inner concerns to. You should provide them that opportunity, but not try to solve their problems for them.
- Placing conditions on your support. You want to ensure that they see you as giving them advice out of nothing other than concern for their well-being. If you say anything along the lines of “I’ll help you if…” then they might see you as only helping them to get something out of it.
Always remember, abusers are good at manipulating and controlling their victims. Victims of abuse are commonly depressed, scared, ashamed, drained, and confused. If you pick up on the warning signs, and offer them your support, you can be instrumental in helping them out of an abusive situation, and into a healthier life.
